I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
