just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
