Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
