you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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