literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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