Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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