see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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