I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
