She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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