You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
