Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
