That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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