don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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