It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
