The maid of honor just puked.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
