I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
