There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
