Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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