i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just want to make out with him forever
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
