Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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