nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
