this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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