I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
