he was CRYING into my vagina
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
