oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
