I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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