And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
