also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
