Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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