Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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