Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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