I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
