this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
A+ Viking dick
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
