How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
