It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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