apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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