2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
