Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
