So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
