He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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