I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
