he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
