It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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