He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
