ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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