We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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