i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
