And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
third nipple confirmed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
