I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
