There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
