We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
